Baruch Dayan Ha Emet ~ Blessed be the True Judge
CHESED sh'b CHESED
Loving kindness of Loving kindness
Loving kindness of Loving kindness
- cousin Joy Krauthammer
Funeral day and internment
for dear cousin Toby, z'l.
I was blessed to know you.
You were a blesSing.
You were brought home from the Holy Land.
You were where you wanted to be
traveling.
Love and loving kindness from friends and mishpucha
permeated the "celebration of life" for you, Toby
at the chapel and at grave site.
Everyone came through
in cultural colors for you.
Words of love for Toby were spoken
on the Tree of Life, Omer Count One
Chesed sh'b Chesed
Loving Kindness of Loving Kindness.
Fresh Fragrant Flowers of love
became a blanket covering Toby
in the moist dark earth.
Mountain of earth appeared so inviting, so fresh.
Peacock feathers and birds of Paradise,
we covered you.
Balloons of beautiful colors sent aloft,
each with a blesSing
to accompany you
on this first eternal travel.
We shared the Meal of Consolation
and tears.
Shalom, dear cousins Allen, Devi, Naomi, Aaron, Daniel, and grandchildren, and Dori, and spouses.
Dear Mishpucha,
I am so truly sad and sorry for your loss. I offer to you my deepest condolences for the April 15th, 2011 / 11 Nissan 5771 (in the Holy Land), passing into eternal life of your beloved Toby, z'l; wife, mother, sister, grandmother, aunt, and loved cousin to us all. (We even shared friends.)
I was grateful to see at Toby's, z'l, "celebration of life" funeral in Orange County, your family of siblings so supportive of each other, on the saddest day, and younger generations, and extended family together with you and dear Allen.
The dirt of the earth we placed over Toby, appeared so clean, smooth, pure, moist and beautiful. What a loving "blanket" (as the rabbi called the earth) that you made for Toby: All the flowers-- the colors of the rainbow to cover Toby in her final rest on earth, as her soul begins to soar to the highest heavens, Shmayim. Those colorful balloons set free filled with blesSings, mine included, soared with Toby's soul.
I was grateful to see that we stood next to Rose, z'l, and Celia's, z'l, grave because I know their neshamahs were with you and with your beloved Toby. When time for Toby's matzeivah / gravestone, I hope you add beloved "cousin" to the stone.
(Rabbis tell many times what I have heard, the stories of funerals where the elders don't even speak with each other, and have not for decades. This is NOT your story, Baruch Hashem. I recall only a year ago when Toby shared with me that now we are almost the elders, our generation.)
Toby's funeral where we surrounded her soul with love, was held on Passover (historic and personal journey to liberation), on the very first day of the Kabbalistic Sefirotic Counting of the OMER.
"DAY 1, CHESED sh'b CHESED."
This day One is "LOVING-KINDNESS of LOVING-KINDNESS", the week and the day, the Sephirot's specific pair combination in the 7 weeks of 49 days, as we count toward Shavuot with spiritual cleansing and our own personal refinement of our attributes.
To me, this is important, as this is what Toby has been since I have known her with Allen in the sixties and in Cambridge, when I would visit. (Because Toby had TV's 'Mr. Rogers' on for her first born, I was inspired. I watched as she cared for her baby's needs.)
I spent time at your home during Shiva, seeing many art and photo albums, and carefully viewing Toby's expansive personal art. Her art was filled with Chesed sh'b Chesed. Her personalized vanity auto license plate "TOBY♥AL" decorated with happy stones and trinkets, was filled with Chesed. (I hope you received the photo of her inspired license creation that I took on that Wednesday and sent to you.)
Toby and Allen's home was filled with Chesed. Some art and albums Toby had personally shown to me in years past. What I saw was her life-time of wisdom, joy, happiness, and family love (and yes, struggle), all in magnificent hand-created albums and framed photos everywhere. Now in addition to my memories of love, I have a new photo family collage 2009 from Aaron, thank you. (I also have all of you from Aviva's bat mitzvah, framed on my wall in my own bedroom.)
Toby and Allen's home was filled with Chesed. Some art and albums Toby had personally shown to me in years past. What I saw was her life-time of wisdom, joy, happiness, and family love (and yes, struggle), all in magnificent hand-created albums and framed photos everywhere. Now in addition to my memories of love, I have a new photo family collage 2009 from Aaron, thank you. (I also have all of you from Aviva's bat mitzvah, framed on my wall in my own bedroom.)
Yesterday I had my 2nd music lesson on my ring jingled, Dayereh frame drum that Toby thoughtfully brought back to me from Uzbekistan, at my request. Who else would shlep a drum for me across the world? I have decorated the dayereh. Toby also gave to me a very small wooden frog, a scraper percussion instrument from Thailand or Vietnam, which I had asked her about prior to her trip with Allen. Maybe Pesach is a good day to plague/play the frog. She also gave me an exotic garment from Uzbekistan. I was so inspired by Toby's organized photo collection from China and how she decorated the pages, I, too, bought the same delicate paper-cuts in China with which to decorate my photos.
I realize the major loss that you are going to shortly feel strongly on mother's day (three weeks from Toby's death) adding onto the sadness you already hold. My heart goes out to you. I recall the powerful relationships that Toby had with her mothers (including Allen's). She spoke of them. She took loving care of them.
Every time that a holiday occurs, your heart will tug. And knowing that there are birthdays and anniversaries this week also in your family, I know is difficult. Upcoming simchas will be different. You are now facing way too many 'firsts' without your dear beloved wife, mother, sister, Toby, z'l.
May you be blessed with loving memories on these days to soothe with tenderness, the rawness and pain of a broken heart.
May Toby's neshama soar and have an easy, sweet and high aliyah / elevation, ascending and expanding to a very high place awaiting her in Sh'mayim / heaven and G*d's Greatness. May Toby's soul's journeys be peaceful and blessed. May her soul continue to be surrounded by all that gives her joy. May her soul have the vision in her senses to know the love that you have for her always, as Toby has for you. May you sense Toby as she travels and creates in new ways in Heaven.
May Toby bless us all with the Shechina's beneficence --Her goodness and grace, as was Toby's.
May Hashem comfort you among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.
Hamakom y'nachem etkhem b'tokh sh'ar avelei Tziyon v'Yerushalayim.
Hamakom y'nachem etkhem b'tokh sh'ar avelei Tziyon v'Yerushalayim.
May you be comforted by remembering the fullness of Toby's life, and of your decades full of loving memories together with her.
The stories shared by you entered my heart. Toby loved to tell about her world journeys with Allen, and about her future plans which included her grandchildren.
It made her so happy to share the successes of her children, and where they are living. Now Toby is eternally closer to all her ancestors and loved ones who have gone before her.
I recall the joy that Toby had years ago when she told of some cartons bought at auction, I think, having no idea what was inside, but her own discovery.
For me, I appreciate with great love, the communications that Toby kept with me. I am so sorry and regret that I couldn't drive at night to share Chanukah. There is not always, 'a next time' and that hurts.
Please remember that the Compassionate One can enter more easily, the heart, with the opening of tears.
May Hashem give you the strength to endure your sorrow and loss.
Personally for me to travel through my own deep mourning five years ago, I had much new survival help when my tears were heavy: a therapist, a spiritual guide, a rebbe, a grief group (although I was the only one in it), and I seriously journaled, and read grief books. I immersed myself in passionate mourning. I came through the tunnel of darkness to the light. It takes time... and surely with the support of loved ones.
What a blesSing that you have each other.
May Mashiach come, may the Temple be rebuilt, may Hashem be revealed, and may death be eliminated from this world.
I send you my love. Know that you are in my prayers. Please forward my condolences to Toby's 'Silver family' for me. I met the nephews for the first time at your Shiva home when we shared the meal of consolation.
In sincere sympathy for your loss, I, too, am missing dear Toby. My heart is with yours.
May her memory be for a blesSing. May her Soul be bound sweetly in the bond of Eternal Life.
May Toby's legacy be strong.
cousin Joy
 |
| Toby Cohen and cousin Joy © AvivaBell |
P.S.
I create this blog space for cousin Toby, as a tribute to her, because Toby created her memories and moments in a style that appear to me as meaningful visual and soulful legacies. I appreciate each tiny artifact so carefully placed in her creative art. Toby's maiden name was Silver, but she was GOLD, thus the gold color in this blog memorial title.
"There will be a time when all of us will return to the One Above with all our hearts and all of our tears. All will be elevated to a place of truth, all falseness of the world removed. And then all the concealment of this world will be shattered. The wrappings will fall away and we will see how each prayer was answered in its time. We shall all see each other, together once again. And we will hold all the blessings of all those millennia in our souls. Death is not the end of one's existence or relationship with loved ones, but the portal to a higher, far more spiritual, eternal reality."
~ ~ ~
I offer below some thoughts which are important to me and in your action may comfort you.
In my husband, Marcel's, z'l memory, I do mitzvot concerning Torah, Tzedakah, and Gemilut Chasidim.
I lost my mother, z'l, over four decades ago and my dad, z'l, a dozen years ago this week, and I think of their days of passing over as their birthdays in Heaven. It makes me feel better to do mitzvot in their name; It is zechus / merit for the departed. I enjoy doing chesed / acts of kindness in which they would relate. Especially to honor their memory, I share the plants from my garden for others to grow, because my parents loved to garden and share their plants. L'Dov V'Dor / generation to generation.
Are you familiar with Anne Brener's book, Mourning and Mitzvah and
Grief in Our Seasons by Rabbi Kerry Olitzky?
Below, I include Chabad words on "Life", and a poem by Hellen Keller, which have given comfort to me.
Life
This experience, to give life, to watch it grow, to be torn apart by it,
to receive pleasure from it and to give life again -- for this the soul
descended from its ethereal heights.
And when it shall return to there, enveloped in these memories, it will
finally know their depth. And with them travel ever higher and higher.
A Daily Dose of Wisdom from the Rebbe
- words and condensation by Tzvi Freeman
Life
This experience, to give life, to watch it grow, to be torn apart by it,
to receive pleasure from it and to give life again -- for this the soul
descended from its ethereal heights.
And when it shall return to there, enveloped in these memories, it will
finally know their depth. And with them travel ever higher and higher.
A Daily Dose of Wisdom from the Rebbe
- words and condensation by Tzvi Freeman
~ ~ ~
What
we once
enjoyed and
deeply loved
we
can never lose,
for
we once
enjoyed and
deeply loved
we
can never lose,
for
all that we
love
deeply
becomes a
part of us.
love
deeply
becomes a
part of us.
- Helen Keller
~ ~ ~
Dear Toby,
On this your first yahrzeit, 11 Nisan, know that I love you, think of you,
and I am grateful you were in my life.
You were always thoughtful and compassionate to me.
You always shared the stories of family with me, taking on the role of those dear elders, z'l,
who had come and left before you.
I've made a website for family history since Allen's ancestors arrived here from Russia
exactly 100 years ago in 1912.
You and your children are added as this web scrapbook continues in your artistic and loving style.
Here is one photo collage of your family-- your children and their children, that I have added.
Your memory is a blesSings.
May your soul continue to soar in delight.
With love,
cousin Joy
~
A Cohen family portrait collage is included in 100 years in America lineage site
including the last photos taken of dear Toby.
http://my-grandma-ethel.blogspot.com/2012/02/grandma-ethel-in-atlanta.html
~ ~ ~
Dear Toby,
On this your first yahrzeit, 11 Nisan, know that I love you, think of you,
and I am grateful you were in my life.
You were always thoughtful and compassionate to me.
You always shared the stories of family with me, taking on the role of those dear elders, z'l,
who had come and left before you.
I've made a website for family history since Allen's ancestors arrived here from Russia
exactly 100 years ago in 1912.
You and your children are added as this web scrapbook continues in your artistic and loving style.
Here is one photo collage of your family-- your children and their children, that I have added.
Your memory is a blesSings.
May your soul continue to soar in delight.
With love,
cousin Joy
~
Thank you Aaron for the photo collages.
COHEN FAMILY 2008
top row L > R
Ari, Devi, Toby & Allen Cohen, Marc Sallus, Daniel, Micah
bottom row
Aaron & Roseanna, Naomi & Tyson, Shoshana, Eden
Ari, Devi, Toby & Allen Cohen, Marc Sallus, Daniel, Micah
bottom row
Aaron & Roseanna, Naomi & Tyson, Shoshana, Eden
~
A Cohen family portrait collage is included in 100 years in America lineage site
including the last photos taken of dear Toby.
http://my-grandma-ethel.blogspot.com/2012/02/grandma-ethel-in-atlanta.html
~ ~ ~
